Cast member jokes

In relation to Disney Parks but not specific to a single resort

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Len90
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Post by Len90 » Jun Fri 20, 2008 8:34 pm

I had a great Kilimanjaro trip one time and the driver was making all these funny jokes. My favorite one is we get on and he says that we will beginning our 2 and a half week safari trip. At the end of the ride... I am sorry but it looks like we are going to have to cut the trip short by just a couple of weeks.

When going over the rules: Please keep all hands, feet, and objects inside the vehicle. Disney already feeds the animals.

These were just some of the jokes that I can remember. It was definitely a great ride.
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Post by csquare77 » Jun Sun 22, 2008 7:36 pm

When I was in the haunted house a CM warned people not to run "If you run, you will fall, if you fall, we will laugh".

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Post by kcarts » Jun Mon 23, 2008 12:36 pm

On the JC as we were boarding the skipper asked one of the people where they were from and they said Pittsburgh or Cleveland or something, I can't really remember, but the skipper responded "OK, I'll talk slower."

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Post by Cazza and Livvie's Mum » Jun Mon 23, 2008 2:36 pm

Is that prawn crackers? No it likes a good laugh!!!!!!

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Post by acp » Jun Thu 26, 2008 3:25 am

My favourite JC one (at WDW) was as we were approaching the cave/temple. The skipper pointed at the beams that were along the front and "falling down" and said "Here you can see something very special. Disney's first attempt at a monorail system!"

That same skipper sang "yo-ho yo-ho a pirate's life for me" as we were going through that cave, too. In the same way as you expect to hear it at the beginning of PotC. It rather creepily fit!. Then she went on to singing it's a small world :D

That may also have been the same skipper that told me off because she thought I was going to hop across the seats in the middle to get off the boat when I was actually waiting to walk around!

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Post by danimal3114u » Jun Thu 26, 2008 10:37 am

One of my favorite ones just happened for the first time this past month on the Jungle Cruise:
As we came across to the big line up of animals where the lions are protecting the sleeping zebra, he started listing off all the different species we saw. When he got to the Wildebeest he said: "Oh, I'm not sure what those are... must be gnu" (new). It was great because it was so understated and he just kept moving right along after he said it. My wife and I started laughing out loud and it seemed like the rest fo the boat didn't get it at all, but man do I love that one.

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Post by HakuOni » Jun Thu 26, 2008 7:18 pm

there was this one thing where at the end of the ride there were rubber spiders that would drop as you exit. when i saw it for the first time i jumped and screamed like a girl! :D

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Post by csquare77 » Jun Mon 30, 2008 1:55 pm

Another haunted house CM joke was when a CM was playing dead and was riding a Doombuggie from the area where people are off loaded to the main queue area.

Len90
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Post by Len90 » Jul Sun 13, 2008 1:39 am

Here is a quick one from my recent Jungle Cruise adventure. As we approached the temple with the falling beams the skipper said, "it appears to be some really old architecture. I believe it is circa 1971." I just cracked up laughing on that one. More to come later one when I have more time.
- Len90
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Post by jcodirewolf » Jul Sun 13, 2008 8:59 am

So some of my favs from JC-
Coming up on the hippos to the crew "don't worry I have a gun" waves the gun high over her head holding it sideswas "Look hippos I have a gun"

"If you look to the left of the boat you'll see the rare and endangered Speaker Monkey"

"You are about to embark on the Jungle cruise the best technology of 1971."

And the classic "If you enjoyed this attraction, my name is John and this was JC. If you didn't my name is Sally and this has been IASW."

So I always wonder was JC always suppose to be goofy, with all the dumb jokes or is it something that just sorta started as light and it just grew...

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Len90
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Post by Len90 » Jul Sun 13, 2008 11:31 am

I have no idea, but the best was getting caught up in traffic at the unloading area. The skipper was able to just keep cracking random jokes.

I work for disney. My parents are very proud.... of my sister. She is a doctor. I wanted to become a doctor but I just didn't have any patience.

You know I like you guys a lot... really. Out of all my boats today you guys were definitely... my most recent.

If you didn't like this, you can head on over to Hall of Presidents then come back and talk to me. No, in all seriousness it is a really cool attraction. They have air conditioning and cushioned seats.


When being told about unloading, the skipper told this story of why you should watch your kids: My parents left me in the park when I was 5 and didn't claim me within 24 hours so I became property of Disney. They pasted my feet to the floor of IASW and made me learn that song in 37 languages. When I grew older and my voice deepened, they moved me here. When I reach 40 and have a gray beard they will move me to Pirates of the Caribbean where I will out my life. After that it will be off to my resting place, the Haunted Mansion.

That same skipper also had a blast going through the cave. When we went inside he started singing IASW and flicking the lights on the boat on and off.
- Len90
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"Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow, and fantasy"

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Post by js3901 » Jul Wed 16, 2008 1:01 pm

JC quotes from our December 2006 trip. Skipper was Jack:

"These butterflies are Plasticus Mechanicus Butterflies that are available for $73.99 in our gift shop or $9.99 at Wal-Mart"

"We're now on the educational portion of the tour which is sponsored in part by Animal Crackers. That's right, Animal Crackers, teaching kids everywhere that all animals taste the same. Over there you'll see Gray Cows; the world's tallest cheetahs; over on the hill we have a '71 Impala, low miles and only 1 previous owner..."

"You guys hear that? That's the call of the elusive Speaker Monkey. OOOH, Speaker Monkey. They're very rare animals. We have 2 here in the Jungle Cruise, that's why we consider ourselves to be 'World Famous'"

"Some important information, if these hippos do charge the boat, just remember you don't have to outswim the hippo. Just outswim the person next to you."

"I have no clue where this (the temple) will take us. Could take us. it might lead us to treasure, might lead us to a dead end. oh, who am I kidding, this is Disney World. we headed to a gift shop. yeah, mind your wallets."

inside the temple, Jack sings "Yo-Ho, A Pirates Life For Me", and "it's a small world", then says "I just saved you guys an hour and half in line."

"Well I am going to pick out a few of my favorite plants here..." starts pointing at plants, not saying anything. "Any questions on those?"

"Here's a joke for all the psychics on board..." - holds hands to temples, not saying anything... "Yeah, yeah"

"as we apporach the docks I must warn anyone sitting on this side of the boat, do not cross over the center crates. That is a fire hazard in the State of Florida. There's an 87% chance you'll slip, trip, or fall while crossing those crates, followed by a 100% chance of me pointing and laughing at you causing me to get fired. so just don't do it."

"Now you will see there's a dock on the left, and a dock on the right. In the jungle, we call that a paradox, so we don't confuse people. If you look real close, you'll see a skipper on the left and a skipper on the right, we call that a para dorks. I don't want to say that too loud cause those same dorks are going to help you to the best of their abilities. so, in translation, you're on your own. there's not much we can do about that I'm terribly sorry about that"

"I see there's a birthday in the back, how old are you?" "wow, 6 years old?!? Just think, in 12 years you can come over here and get a Jungle Cruise boat and drive around in a circle all day like me."
"And please do not sit on the floor. My studies show you can't experience time travel on the floor. and it's not a pretty picture in those shorts" - The Timekeeper

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Len90
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Post by Len90 » Jul Wed 16, 2008 3:27 pm

Those are great lines. I remember hearing a lot of those, however they have been modified over the near 2 years.

Our warning about crossing the center crates was: Do not cross them they are a fire hazard. You will trip and fall, I will point and laugh and then I will get fired.

Another great one was: "If you think this was the worst ten minutes of your life, try living living in my shoes. I have to repeat this every ten minutes."
- Len90
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"Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow, and fantasy"

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Post by MintJulepRoo » Jul Wed 16, 2008 11:47 pm

Okay this is just a random joke that a nice older Cast Member told us at Blizzard Beach.

He asked: Do you know who Darth Vader's sister is?

We said: No

He replied: Elly Vader!

LOL
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Post by IMFearless » Jul Thu 17, 2008 7:27 am

This Jack guy sounds pretty famous....
One of my favs was during WDW's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party. Younger brother was dressed as Indiana Jones. Man, this girl had FUN with that.
*enters temple*
"SNAKES. Why did it have to be snakes?!"
*about 30 seconds later*
"MONKEYS. Why did it have to be monkeys?!"

Then, at least twice she hummed the Indy theme. I don't think she actually did anything with anyone else on board.
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